Sometimes in our life, during each adventure in which we get involved, we tend to do some things that can turn into a doble edge sword. On one hand, we can reinforce something that we say or do, but in on the other hand we can be punishing our future self.
I remember a simple one that I tried to broke and I wasn’t able to do it. To play the first song with my guitar to someone that meant a lot to me.
It can sound silly, but even when I started another chapter in my life, I couldn’t play for her, even though the song on my mind was a different one. I simply couldn’t stop thinking in the promise that I made and the feelings behind it.
The funniest thing, is that since the last chapter didn’t last for too long, I stopped worrying about playing for anyone but myself (what didn’t happen either).
But, since our heads can act as though cruel companions, I started to feel really uncomfortable while touching its body or while playing with her strings… The promise, the feelings, the memories… Everything that could have been, and finally never was…
So, basically, I placed her again in the farthest place that I could, to try to avoid any contact or recollection from the past, as I tried to do with every token from that chapter. But, is that a real solution? Is it even a healthy or a fair one?
When you’ve never broke a promise, trying to move on can turn into something quite confusing, and even more if some problems or memories still haunting you.
Finally, you realize that the promise that you made was done to someone that it’s not in your life anymore, and that to stand by that promise means to keep yourself sitting aside of the path that follows to one of the most important elements in any chapert of life, our happiness. Our joy.
Therefore, I’ve decided that it’s time to move on, and at least start to play the guitar for myself. Because I’m the only one that is going to be by my side, whatever will happen in the future. So, if I have to break that promise, to get back part of the joy that used to fill me, then for sure that I’ll mash it.
I guess it will hurt or make me feel weird at the beggining, not only because of the sore feeling in my hand’s muscles, but also because the process to face all the memories and ideas that probably will come out with the first notes and chords. But it’s part of the “recovery”, like if it were a postsurgical therapy.
We are meant to live our lifes, the present and our future, but not to get stucked in the past. Since life is what it comes, no what it was.