Talking to myself

Thought measuring

It has been a long time since the last post, but I needed a break -yup, just almost after having started the blog- for myself.

During this break, I’ve been taking care of the wounds after the surgery which I went through (Surprise, mother focas*! Now everything seems to be solved, so let’s see the results of the analysis when they will come out), working on some administrative processes to close down the organisation that I’m running, met again with someone that I still loving caring about(?) but that will never realize that you still waiting for an apology and the comprehension that was denied, and also taking care of the woman that brought me up and taught me so many thins, my grandma; the same one that since two years ago doesn’t recognize me anymore due to the dementia…

As you can see, it has been an intense period, emotionally over all. But now it’s time to try to come back to the start; I mean, the start where I stopped and it seemed that I was coming back to some kind of normality.

I guess that, since depression is not something that you can get rid of it whenever you want, it’s going to continue taking a lot of effort from me to keep trying to reduce or at least smooth the ups and downs.

After many “discussions” and tips from friends, I’ ve started to look for help/psychologist, but I’ve found out that I can’t afford the price per session (an average of 60€). Thankfully, I have a friend in other city, whose couple it’s a psychologist, and she is going to help me looking for recently graduated psychologists, as they have more time and tend to be cheaper.

Honestly, I just want to wake up and feel “well” again. To feel as though the good things, the ones that used to matter to me, still there, even with all the surrounding problems. That there is light and not only a blurry image at the end of the tunnel.

So, to sum up, it is time to take myself back to work. What means to try to not fail into the apathy nor the sadness, or at least do my best to fight against them.

Thankfuly, I know that even when we are far away from each other and they’re just a few, I have the support of great people. Those I can call friends.


*Seals (in Spanish). It’s kind of a joke, that sounds funnier and more “polite” than the original version 😉


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